I've been thinking a lot about what I wrote this weekend, and about the comments I received to the last post.
The one missing element in that post is something I haven't done. I haven't even given myself a chance to have everything I want. I live in one of the largest metroplexes in the country, and I haven't even tried to find what I am looking for right here.
I have convinced myself, that to get what I want, I will have to sacrifice something I love. But how can I know that until I have tried? Before I assume I will have to take a pay cut, before I assume I won't be happy unless I give up my life here, I need to give myself the chance, and the courage to try to get what I want without compromising.
As scary as it is to move across the country and start over, I may be concocting the easy way out. I know I could find a job if I widened my city base, and if I took a pay cut. Of course I could find something! And probably something I would enjoy. But I haven't even given a real go at trying to find something here. Moving is easy for me. Moving is reinventing myself. Everytime I moved as a kid, I got to be whoever I wanted at the next stop. Staying is the hard part. Even in college, in 5 and half years, I moved 5 times. Everytime, I changed things. My roommates, my friends, my degree, my dreams. It has always been an outlet for change for me.
Perhaps it's time to stick and still change. Time to take the hard route, buckle down, and wait for the rejection that inevitably comes with job hunts. But this time, not take it personally, and not give up.
Labels: fears, lack of accomplishment, Work