Plays Well With Others...
Thursday, December 23, 2004
It is a time of joy – more so for the red than the blue states – and good will. At least that’s what George Bush said after the election. It is also a time of gifts for those who have made 2004 such a special year for all of us. No refunds. No exchanges. All get what they need and deserve.
President George Bush: A “Get Out of Iraq Free” card.
The American Troops in Iraq: A ticket to home for the new year.
Saddam Hussein: A trial before he’s too old to care. The devil’s just deserts.
Vice President Dick Cheney: A duck-hunting weekend with the entire Supreme Court of the United States. An assault rifle so he won’t have to aim.
Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld: A new limousine, custom-fitted with hillbilly armor.
Outgoing Secretary of State Colin Powell: A job where he gets some respect.
Attorney General Designate Alberto Gonzalez: A leather-bound copy, in big print, of the Geneva Conventions.
All the Bush Cabinet Nominees: A year’s worth of green cards to cover their domestic help.
The Democratic Party: A brain.
The Republican Party: A heart.
Former President Bill Clinton: An autographed copy of Barbara Bush’s classic, The First Lady’s Guide to Etiquette and Decorum.
Senator Hillary Clinton: A rare copy of the campaign memoirs of Geraldine Ferraro.
Florida Governor Jeb Bush: A tee shirt embroidered with his immortal quote: "I'm not going to run for president in 2008.”
Texas Representative Tom Delay: The guest of honor invitation to next year’s Thanksgiving “pardon the turkey” ceremony at the White House.
Senator John Kerry: A free political strategy session with the high-flying consulting firm of Mondale, Dukakis, & Gore.
Senator John McCain: A compendium of all the nice things that George W. Bush said about him in 2000.
Every Reporter in America: A two-week tour following Sy Hersh around wherever he goes.
The Guy Who Paid $65,000 for a Ghost on eBay: First bid on a nice big bridge I have for sale in Brooklyn.
And For All: A wonderful holiday and happy New Year.